that was my first time playing an online mmorpg game and it was the first time i get to know great people too. i quited my org guild and joined the best guild in that game. i know lemon, who is a super nice guy. we slowly got to know each other and he pulled me in to skype and i slowly know the rest of the guild members. he was the first online friend i met for dinner with. its quite a special friendship to me though. we were very close back then, but something happen and i didnt handle it well. that's why we are not very close with each other. i feel quite sad tho, but i cant do anything to change it too. at the very least, we still talk and joke and hang out tgt :) be content.

second time we met, it was at plaza sg, we went to long john to meet new grp of ppl from the second online game we played. they were cool, esp cokla who is super lapsap and talkative. i thought he will look very man in real life as he sounded very manly online, but i was slightly wrong, slightly only :P i have forgotten what we did after meeting them. we headed towards the movie or the lan shop? i have zero memory of it. blank.

third time we met was when we met each other at the colo @ illuma, and this time round, we met up with my hao peng you ah bin gege. he was so jialat, act guai, shake hand with everyone who was there on that day. den somehow we clicked very easily and furthermore, he stays near me, so its quite cool having someone to chitchat and gossip while otw hm. :) i rmb that time was ard 3/4am where we have to take a cab hm alrdy. then bin and i was talking in cab, awkward but we somehow got the topic going and started to share about things like how old friends does.

after that time, everyone of us started to chitchat more on skype and it was so lively. i will come bk hm every single day, just to get so excited to on my lappy and login my skype immediately. i feel we have formed a family. they are the pillar of strength and accompany when i needed most. we got too close till, i put them as my priority, which i can say, they still do now just that i somehow have to rebalance my time to cater to everyone.

slowly, we meet more and more, and slowly we share more and more. some of them develop feelings for each other. some of them built up a dependency on one another. we slowly build up a barrier to keep new people from coming in because we feel comfortable with each other. there is a certain dark aura circulating around some of us if a new guy/girl comes in our grp. well of course, those new people will not be able to blend in because we have build up this barrier to keep our friendships going without interruptions. but as time goes by, this barrier, somehow a wall, is slowly tearing down, becoming brittle and fragil. the wall gets old and insightful, and new is always better, full of surprises and freshness.

slowly i started spending less time with them. maybe i have move on with life, getting to know more new people. each time i come hm after a long day, either working or hanging out with friends other than them, or not playing any online games with them anymore, or not skyping much too, i feel lost whenever i join their calls. unsure of what they joke/laugh abt, always the last person to know what they talk about, not knowing the new people they have added on skype, not used to ppl who we initially know but dont really skype with us yet skyping with us now, not having the warmth i felt in the past anymore. i don't feel the excitement and enthusiast-ism when i come home anymore.

i slowly drift myself away, because i didnt wanna start losing sth that means so much to me all at once. when sch starts, when projects comes, when sch work piles up, i dont even have time to come online. instead of losing everything at once, slowly losing bit by bit may seem less painful for me. but there is this someone who knows how i feel, who gets what i mean when i update my skype status. he tries all means to pull me back. he tells me, "i will tell u whatever things you do not get when u hear the skype call". nice though, thoughtful, but thats not how i want things to be like. i want to get involve, instead of being just a listener who says 'ohh haha' when i finally get the things i dont get.

maybe being too dependent and getting too involve is not good afterall.

when you have no gain, you have nth to lose.

when you have nth to lose, you wont feel any pain.

maybe i am just greedy and i just want to get more than what i can take.

i guess, i will find a way to cover that hole soon.